Harry & Meghan: The Royal Exit That Turned Into a Media Empire
To Be or Not to Be… Royal Pain in the Ass?
The never-ending Harry and Meghan drama continues.
Let’s face it — if Shakespeare were alive today, he’d rewrite Hamlet with a ginger prince in Montecito and an ex-actress-turned-professional-victim throwing royal shade on Netflix.
Because every time Harry & Meghan show up in the news (again ), the question isn’t to be or not to be royal, it’s:
How do you reject the royal life while cashing royalty-sized cheques?
The Royal Exit That Never Exited
They left the Firm.
They left the Palace.
They left the UK.
But they didn’t leave the cameras. Or the book deals. Or the $100 million Netflix contract. Or the podcast. Or the 6-part docuseries that turned Buckingham Palace into daytime TV.
They want privacy?
Most people go to therapy.
These two signed with Spotify.
Meghan: The Duchess of Discontent
She’s not a royal. She’s not a commoner.
She’s a professionally aggrieved, couture-wearing contradiction.
From Oprah’s couch to The Cut’s cover, she’s been on a world tour of… victimhood.
Racism, silencing, “they took my passport” — all while sipping organic tea in a $14 million California mansion.
Now she says the kids should decide if they want to be royal.
Because toddlers need full autonomy over palaces and private security. Naturally.
Harry: Prince of Petty
Spare? More like Spare Me.
He blames his dad. His brother. His stepmom. The institution. The tabloids.
Everyone but himself.
Prince Harry’s memoir reads like a teenage diary.
He says he wants freedom from the monarchy — right after monetizing every title he holds.
And while Meghan rebrands as a “woman of the world,” Harry’s gone full therapy bro meets conspiracy theorist, with a family vendetta on the side.
The Blame Game Olympics
- The Royals were racist.
- The Palace was toxic.
- The tabloids were cruel.
- The public was unfair.
- Spotify wasn’t supportive.
- Netflix exploited them.
- The Queen didn’t hug enough.
Basically:
Everyone sucked except Harry & Meghan — the billionaire martyrs of Montecito’s royal lifestyle.
Season 73: The Montecito Monarchy
They don’t want the crown.
They want the clicks.
They don’t want the titles.
They want the trailers.
This isn’t royalty.
This is influencer capitalism wrapped in a sob story.
Meghan Markle’s media attention isn’t about truth.
It’s branding. Strategy. Monetization.
They don’t hate the system.
They just want to franchise it.
And the only thing they’ve truly mastered?
The art of turning privilege into performance.
Final Word: The Royal Farce Continues
Don’t let the designer grief fool you.
This is not about healing.
It’s about staying relevant —
One headline at a time.
One platform at a time.
One curated trauma at a time.
They’re not escaping royalty.
They’re marketing it.
So the next time someone says:
“Leave them alone.”
Just smile and say:
“Sure. As soon as they stop broadcasting their drama in 4K.”
